top of page
  • Writer's picturePriyesh Khanderia

Accepting yourself & others for who they are, so you can live and let live…

Introduction



In today’s society, there is so much pressure to be perfect that it becomes almost impossible to accept yourself and others. As human beings, we have so much to offer, that by not accepting ourselves we cannot express ourselves fully. Learning from others is what allows us to check ourselves, but if we are too scared about being judged we start avoiding feedback. This is a fatal flaw in our society and it holds us back as a community. By being able to express ourselves fully, we can bring our whole selves wherever we go. This is our greatest gift. Nowadays we need more acceptance. It will allow for more opportunities, more individuals pursuing their life’s work and long-lasting relationships (romantic relationships, friendships and stronger family bonds).

In this article, I have written about acceptance, how it will show in your life, its benefits of it and methods to become more accepting. Happy Reading!


What is Acceptance



Acceptance is a powerfully positive emotion. It allows us to become free from emotionally driven decisions. This is helped by understanding that oneself is the source and creator of their own experience. This understanding comes when someone has been able to let acceptance influence their lives. As acceptance kicks in, you are helped in letting go of control of your emotions.

Acceptance does not mean being passive it means you are allowed to let your life according to the circumstance that comes your way rather than trying to make it fit into one’s expectations of life. Acceptance aids us in lowering our judgement, this is because acceptance guides us to focus on resolving issues and finding out what to do about problems. Acceptance helps us manage conflicts better as it sees that other people have equal rights and therefore we can honour a discussion whilst respecting both parties within the discussion. As we can see above, acceptance can create a real shift in our lives. Transforming our inner experience by mainly letting go of what we never had control of. How do we continually tap into acceptance, so we can confidently face the circumstance of life?


What does accepting others and yourself look like?



Acceptance is an emotion that we have all felt when we have allowed ourselves. In our minds, we all have an inner judge, that freely judges others’ when they make decisions that we don’t think we’ll make. As a result, it becomes we project our preconceived likes and dislikes onto others about certain behaviours, comments and attitudes. Where we only accept those who are acting in a way we approve. This immediately leaves us secluded, as we subconsciously cut off those individuals who are different from us. Acceptance as emotion prevents us from imposing our preconceived ideas onto others. Instead, we can see that choice is a freedom and an individual choice. We can see that there are alternate options and one can choose one option without demonising the option or the person that chooses it. This allows us to become more accepting of others and thus makes us more open. Which leads to more connections and friendships. It can also lead to many more doors opening in life, simply by the warmth people feel when they feel accepted. The same can be said of ourselves. When we accept ourselves, we become freer to be who we always wanted to be. This brings some peace and tranquillity within us, as we can finally express ourselves in the way we’ve always wanted to. An individual who has accepted themselves looks more whole, and you can feel that when you’re in their presence.


Benefits of accepting others & yourself



There are umpteen benefits of accepting others and yourself. Below I have listed 3 benefits for each. This should give you an idea of the impact acceptance can have on our lives.


Accepting yourself

Benefit 1: Emotional calm and wider awareness

  • As we become more accepting, our sense of calm during waves of emotions increases.

  • The main reason for this is through the process of letting go.

  • People who start applying for acceptance can let go of controlling their emotions.

  • This is important, as you can accept the different waves of emotions that come. As these waves are less likely to dictate our actions, we gain a wider awareness which helps us see the bigger picture.


Benefit 2: Accepting yourself allows room for self-love

  • There are many facets to an individual. Much more than they show publicly.

  • As we grow up there are parts of us that we discard. This is often done to fit in, and thus portray a certain image.

  • When we begin reclaiming these sides of ourselves, we begin accepting more of ourselves.

  • This allows us to feel whole and lets our love for ourselves grow to our whole self and not just the part that we desire.


Benefit 3: Let life flow without control

  • When we become more accepting, we stop trying to control our own life like a video game.

  • When things do not go as planned, instead of throwing tantrums and being struck with grief, we can accept the circumstances and face them head-on.

  • As life is allowed to flow our take on our problems begins to shift. This allows our ego to get out of the way and forces us to live up to certain expectations we desired.


Accepting others

Benefit 1: Manage conflicts

  • When we begin to accept others. We can see that they, just like ourselves are human!

  • This allows our compassion and empathy to extend towards them, and we are then able to understand them better.

  • When we are next in conflict, we can hear their point of view. More importantly, we do not feel the need to impost our point as we can accept that their perspective is different.


Benefit 2: Our mistrust of others reduces

  • Sometimes we see other people and can only see their bad habits.

  • When we become more accepting of others, we can see them as human beings, and therefore understand, like any human, that they too are flawed.

  • This allows our mistrust towards others’ to decrease.


Benefit 3: New relationships

  • When we become more accepting of others we open the door to new relationships.

  • This is because we start to appear more open, and we can allow people to feel accepted. This allows people to feel their inner warmth. Where they can be their authentic selves.

  • By becoming more open, we have more opportunities for new relationships.

  • This is important as we may connect with people who we previously may have not given the time of the day.

  • Allowing more varied and different types of relationships.


How to apply Acceptance in our lives


To reap the benefits of acceptance, we must practice exercises in life that truly help us become more accepting. Below I have listed 3 methods, out of countless, that can help you strengthen your acceptance muscles.


Method 1: Find the good in everything


Often people are quick to focus on the negative aspects of their lives. This is due to the expectation that life should go the way we want it to go. The issue becomes clearer when life goes the way we desire. Although we are jubilant briefly, this quickly fades and onwards we move to the next goal or accomplishment. The cycle then repeats itself, with us constantly focusing on what goes wrong until we achieve or get what we want. Now not everyone is like this, but for the majority of us, it can be easy to get stuck into what is not working for us. A method out of this is acceptance. Acceptance of our circumstances. Acceptance of our limitations. Acceptance of not having control in life. We can practice this by trying to find the good in everything! Next time we are faced with any situation, try focusing on the good.


Example going through the method below

  • Example: We try our best for a new job opening and we do not get the job offer.

  • Naturally, anyone would feel disappointed. Whilst dealing with that disappointment, we could think about the positive aspects of not receiving the job offer.

  • “I didn’t feel I connected with the hiring manager”

  • “The role did seem that it wouldn’t challenge me to learn more”

  • “Not getting this role has made me realise how much I need a change of environment”

  • By doing this honestly and wholeheartedly, we can accept the disappointment and the situation. Which is the best way to move forward without building resentment and grief.


Method 2: Observe your inner child


In life, it is known that we are our own harshest critics. This comes down to various reasons, but put simply; we see ourselves as the protagonist of our stories. Naturally seeing ourselves like this comes with heavy expectations around accomplishment and how life should go. This can lead us to be negative and judgemental towards ourselves when things don’t go to plan. The way to shift starts by viewing how we speak to our loved ones. Very quickly, we should notice that it is rare if we judge our loved ones as harshly as we judge ourselves.


Step by step method below

  • Once we have realised the difference in tones and language used with loved ones, we can begin applying it to ourselves.

  • When you are next thinking or feeling emotions or having negative thoughts - imagine yourself as a child.

  • This means, that whatever you now say should be tailored to a child.

  • By viewing ourselves as a child, we will be reminded to be gentler and kinder to ourselves.

  • Additionally, this is a means to get in touch with our inner child which should pave the way for a better relationship with yourself


Method 3: Practice compassionate presence


This method is focused on the inner judge archetype that sits within us. It is the voice residing within you that we are familiar with. The judge is an inner critic that constantly finds faults and rejects them. Ultimately, the judge archetype can make it extremely difficult for us to be accepting. This method is the practice of being compassionate. We are blessed with having an abundance of compassion within us. When we hear sad news and think of the victim, we can feel a type of pain for them. This is our compassion. Compassion has an inner wisdom that allows us to see past our inner judge.


Step by step method below

  • To try this method, try looking at your inner world. This is the world within us, with all our emotions, thoughts, desires etc…

  • Close your eyes, and take time to view each situation that appears in your mind.

  • The situations should be viewed indiscriminately, it doesn’t matter if it is good or bad. Address each one as they enter your mind. (These are things you are trying to release)

  • As it appears, you may hear past judgement that has been applied to the situation. Take time, to let that be and with each situation that appears repeat the phrases below:

  • “It’ll be okay”, “You’re allowed to feel this way”, “You are loved regardless”

  • The benefits of doing this regularly are immense. You will find a shift within, where you are more accepting of your feelings and thoughts and the inner judge will naturally fall away.

  • You will also find that you can tap into feelings of compassion, support and encouragement. That helps you accept your inner world as it is.


Final thoughts



Acceptance is hugely important in today’s society, and we have a chance to provide the foundation for generations to come. A foundation that is built on love & compassion, the way we get there is through encouraging education around acceptance. This will help more people see that the society we live in, is filled with confusion, uncertainty and a lack of purpose.

As we can see acceptance allows us to be able to better manage our emotions without letting them rule us. We need more of this, as too often people want to feel better but they do not want to accept the feelings they are feeling. By accepting some of our darkest thoughts and emotions, we are better able to understand ourselves and therefore each other. Acceptance leads to a life that flows, not without problems, but a genuine let go in trying to control it so we can fit into the societal norms. As individuals, it is clear that we are all on unique journeys. Acceptance prevents us from playing “keep up with Jones” and allows us to stay in our lanes and appreciate other people’s journeys’ without feeling insecure about our own. There are 3 methods on how to apply acceptance in our lives. Take time to apply the methods, you have read and tried different ones if you have any in mind.


Have you ever felt you were not accepted?


Have you ever struggled to accept yourself?


What is the hardest thing to accept about yourself?


Click here to find out more about Self Love Clinic’s coaching and counselling sessions, for more ways you can be supported on a journey of self-love!

13 views

Commentaires


bottom of page